This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
