Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
