My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
