well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
