Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
