He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
