My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize