I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
