I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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