bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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