ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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