im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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