omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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