she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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