I CAN MOONWALK!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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