no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
