I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Operation Purity has been aborted
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
