he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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