Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
