If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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