the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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