Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize