dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
