i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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