just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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