I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize