my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pants are for mortals
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
