i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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