The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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