i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
