I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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