i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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