There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
