there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
