his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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