I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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