I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize