The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
