so that wasnt chicken after all
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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