I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
