I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
