plz talk dirty to me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
