Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
