I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You're like the curious george of whores
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
