Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
