too bad you live with your parents still
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
