you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
