i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
