I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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