Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize