I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
