i just sent this text using only my big toe
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
