A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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