Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
