need another drink. this is the easiest way
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
