you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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