omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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