think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
