i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
