Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
