Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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