I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
