Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i barfeds in our rink
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
