I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
