Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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