i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
