my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
