I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
