theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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